Stroll through the Bushes

I had decided to take an early morning stroll. It was the talk around court that there would be a January flourish of snow which would blanket the entire court. Therefore I decided to enjoy the garden for as long as it was permissible by the weather.

I glance up as I hear a voice, penetrating my deep opaque thoughts. It was her...

I did not know quite how to react-what a wreck I had been when I saw her last, a sobbing fool. I dip into a shallow curtsey and as I do I noticed the light catch on a ring...on her wedding finger. I cannot be sure exactly what expression my face formed but I can only assume it was one of utter shock.

I stand indignant and clasp my hands, covering my small gold band which was meant to be a little symbol of my future union.

"Alas, no Queen,"I reply and look up,"But a Duchess."
That ring, the smile on her lips. How could it be anything else but the one thought which pains me even to think of. She has married-married my betrothed.

I take a deep breath and hold my chest. My undergarments seem unusually tight and I find myself struggling to collect any air.
How could this be? There was the signing of documents, the payment of my large dowry and the promise of marriage. How could one man disobey both King's law and God's. Am I such a disappointment of a future wife that he should seek to find another so quickly.

"Congratulations,"I whisper.

I immediately shrug off her touch,"Do not be kind to me."

How could I have married such an unlawful man? He now has a handsome sum in his purse and has denied his dying uncle of his wish that he and I should marry. He has denied me of any future-for a woman quick to give her favour.

I glance at her expensive ring that weighs heavy on her hand-with such pride she wears it,"I may have youth but I lack the necessity of beauty-for if I did my betrothed would be fastly married to me...and not you."

Her words are blunt and hurt-the sting of condescension sends me back a pace.
"My feelings of love are of little consequence-we were bound by law to marry. Though I say it-I am not in love him for alas he is just a stranger to me as I to him. However I loved him and still love him, such as my duty requires. Heavens! Perhaps even he would grow to care for me. I am now without care in this court because you sought a profitable marriage-for even you say it is not for beauty."

I sigh as a means of enabling the stifling atmosphere between us two to permeate,"And I have said congratulations...Your Grace."

I do not understand how she can manage to be blasé about their affair. She describes a love match as something common-perhaps in France, however not here. Aristocracy never allow marriages to be out of love-for love is cruel and passionate, fleeting and flighty...money binds all and unfortunately I am bound to the affluent stock.

I shake my head as I cradle my head in my hands. This woman fails to recognise that now I have so little in my life.

"I made a vow in front of my family and God that I cannot now fulfil because you could not terminate your lust until such times I had at least had an audience with him who should be mine,"I mumur from behind my hands,"It is not my place to have an opinion on His Majesty's matter and you would do well to quench your opinions -whatever they may be- for they may leave you a head shorter."

I scoff,"If it t'were not lust he would never have married you. I may be young but all men's love begins with lust and grows."

As she suggests that I have everything I frown and say quietly,"I have everything, I? You are a Duchess, you have my betrothed and I am alone in court with no guide...for what?"

"And yet you have inflicted upon me isolation. You criticise my mistress but in her is the only place I have safety and thus I owe her all and happily give all to repay her kindness,"I reply coldly.

The surge of a deep sorrow suffocates me. I would I never came to court, I would I never saw her and ignited her knowledge of me. Perhaps then she would never have known of my existence and I could have married.
I glance to her.
Why...why her, is she fairer than all others? I confess my beauty is not great but alack not worse than hers. And why hath he been so quick to presume who I am and abandon me?

"Because they were my family and they were his family-I give them their owed respect and I agreed to the union. My marriage would always have been a loveless one -to begin with- I knew that and I accepted it. However I had the hopes that one day love would surely follow and then mine and my husband's happiness would ensue,"I reply as I noticed she was getting angry...with me. As if I were the one who had gone against what was right and decided.

I clasp my hands as I straighten my posture. I know it is not proper to squabble over a man such as this, it was foolish of me. I take a deep breath as she turns away and hold my face again as I can feel the crystal tears fall from my eyes.