Classroom

I cannot seem to concentrate, and though my thoughts are usually far away I have been worried over more important things of late. For one, my monthly bleeding has ceased. The heaviness in my breasts and in my womb has not come, and I have been very sleepy. It has been hard for Joan to rouse me from my bed. My biggest fear is that I am with child by Henry Manox.

I look down at the paper on my desk and I take the quill, trying to improve my dreadful handwriting. I cannot do anything right. I know that I must see a physician, and so I must ask Joan to help me in this. I laughed bitterly to myself, remembering the ways I'd told her a woman could not get with child. I did not even follow my own advice!

During the weekly lessons, Joan looked over to Kitty to tell her something about Ingrid, and how she looked like a cod fish today. Although, she noticed Catherine was lost in her own thoughts. While the teachers back was turned she trough a crumbled piece of paper at her and mouthed the words -What's wrong?- Kitty didn't seem like her chipper self today and Joan was very concerned.

I felt something hit me on the arm and looked over to see Joan, mouthing a question with concern in her eyes. I smiled weakly and pursed my lips as they quivered. I stole a quick glance at the teacher before turning in my seat to face Joan. "I..." I began to whisper, then shook my head. I placed my hand on my belly where my baby would show, and looked up at my best friend, feeling scared and ashamed.

Joan assumed Katherine was ill by the way the color in her face had faded and how she grabbed her stomach. She didn't want to get another detention for her misbehavior so she waited until midday for lunch to speak to her.

On their way to the dining room, Joan stopped Katherine in the corridor. "What is the matter? Are you ill cause you look like death!" she said bluntly.

I gulped hard, knowing the truth had to come out eventually. I was standing but my shoulders slumped, I felt like I could sink low into the ground. Taking a deep breath I steadied my gaze at Joan. "I think.. I am.. with.. child.." I barely managed to whisper before leaning on the wall of the corridor. "This is the end of the world!" I closed my eyes, tears threatening to come.

Joan's eyes widened with disbelief. She placed her hand over her mouth "Who's....Manox?" she said in a hushed tone not knowing what to tell her next.

I felt ashamed as she said Henry's name, and a fearful rage took over me for a minute. "Of course it is his! He's the only one I've been with, what sort of girl do you think me to be?" I sighed again. "Forgive me Joanie, I only feel.. I'm lost! What will the duchess do if she finds out?"

Joan stepped back as she lashed at her. She placed her had on her chest. "I Im sorry Catherine they way you speak, you insinuated that there were more men." Kitty then calmed down and Joan placed her hand around her. "Don't fret, the duchess shall never find out! We will find a way using larger clothing and not speaking a word to no one." she gave her a reassuring smile.

I returned the smile, weak though it felt on my lips. "I think I will make a good mother.. I've always wanted a child and now.. I will just have to hide it best I can." I gave Joan a sharp look. "Do not tell Henry Manox! Promise on your life!" I said desperately.

Joan knew this was biggest secret she will keep so she linked her pinky with Catherine's "Pinky promise I shall never tell a soul" she said knowing this gesture was their undying vow of friendship.

I smiled gratefully at Joan and kissed her cheek. "I know I can trust you, you are my greatest friend in the whole wide world." i took her hand in mine as we walked. "I am beginning to re-think what you said about me being too broken for marriage. Perhaps you are right. I shall have to make plans to have the baby elsewhere..." I shook away the thought and smiled at Joan. "Tell me what you have been up to, I have hardly seen you around of late."

"Yes I think think the child should be born elsewhere." she said and then blushed a scarlet red when Kitty asked what she had been up to. "Well....I met a gentleman..." I she said with a bright smile.

"Have you? Do tell! I can see you have some news. Spill!" I said excitedly as I took her hand.

Joan smiled brightly and linked arms with kitty. "Well a few days ago a man came looking for the duchess, and I began flirting with him like you said and lured him into the dining room for some wine. We got to talking......and one thing let to another and...." She stopped walking and biting lower lip "I'm no longer a maiden" She said grinning waiting to see what Kitty would say.