Charles Brandon's bedchamber

"Charles smiled. His hand caressed softly her cheek and placed a soft kiss on it. Then he looked into her eyes"

I think that only an insane man could forget you, Alfonsina...

"He whispered"

After Charles' kiss , she felt chills on her whole body. She smiled to him and couldn't help herself from kissing his lips. It was a soft kiss. Then she stepped back. She looked at his blue eyes and whispered.

"I am sorry for what i have done just a second ago , Charles.."

"Charles felt surprised by her sudden kiss, but he kissed her back. It was a fast kiss. He sighed and shook his head"

Ehm...no need to apologize, Alfonsina. I think you just needed it. But...

"He bit his lips and looked into her eyes"

She looked at him. He didn't finish his sentence , he stopped by saying "but".

"Yes? But..?"

She asked curiously.

"Charles leaned his hand on her shoulder, taking a deep breath"

But my wife just gave me a son. You're...so beautiful and a real temptation for me, believe me. Also...I'd do everything for you. But I promised to Catherine not to hurt her again...

"He said finally, whispering his last words"

She listened to him carefully and nodded.

"I know Charles.. I don't do anything to hurt both of you. You can trust me.."

She smiled. Then she stood up.

"I should go. It's too late and I can see you are really tired."

She hugged Charles warmly.

"It's always a pleasure to talk to you Charles.."

Then she smiled again and left the room.

"Charles was going to say something. Probably his words hurted her"

Alfonsina...wait...

"He whispered. But she was already gone. He took a deep breath rubbing his forehead. He couldn't understand why he always hurted all women he cared for"

It had been a year and a half since I last saw my father.
I arrived at Whitehall only two hours before and I had to unpack my lagguages before having free time for myself.
So the first thing I did was to look for my father.
I arrived in front of his bedchamber and knocked, but I had no answer. However, I noticed that the door was unlocked so I entered in.
The room was quite but it looked as I remembered: nothing had changed.
I decided to wait for him there: he didn't know I would have come. I didn't write him a letter or something because I wanted it to be a surprise.
I wondered if I was changed since the last time, and perhaps I did.
As I was waiting for him, I approached the chessboard by wich we used to play when I was a child and he was teaching me. I took a black checkerman in my hand and smiled: that was a nice memory...

"Charles was in the bathroom. He was washing his face after having a long walk in the garden. It was a sunny day, so he needed to feel some fresh water on his skin. He was drying his face with a towel when he suddenly heard his door opening, and some footsteps. Pretty sure that it was a servant who was bringing him some jewels that he bought for Catherine, he stepped out and entered in the room"

Leave them there...William!

"He shouted but he stopped suddenly. Once he removed the towel from his face, he saw his son Charlie standing there. He needed few moments to realize if he was dreaming or not. He smiled"

Oh my God! Charlie! My son...when did you arrive? I missed you so much!

"He came closer to hug him tightly"

Charlie was about to have a shock when he heard his father's voice shouting.
He almost made the checkerman fall.
He was sure that his father was away, but he was mistaken!
As he turned, they both stared at each other for a few moments, but then Charlie's smile enlarged and became brighter.

"Father!"

He exclaimed hugging him back tightly.
He noticed that now they had almost the same height.

"Just a couple of hours ago, actually" he said laughing softly "I wanted to make you a surprise and... I did!"

Charlie hugged his father again "I missed you too! How are you? How is Victoria?"

"Charles looked at him. He grew up fastly and he changed a bit since last time he saw him"

Look at you...you're almost a man, now! Oh...Victoria is fine. She just had another baby girl. Her name is Mary. She always asks me about you. But come...sit with me. Tell me about yourself...about your mother: is she still in Buckingham with your brother and your sisters?

"He asked, sitting on the sofa"

Charlie smiled and took place near his father. He took his hat off, but not his gloves...

"I'm glad to hear this about my sister. I shall visit her..."

He said nodding.

"Well..." he started again "I visited them about a month ago and we write each-other frequently" he said starting to scratching secretly his hand under the glove "Mother is fine but she told me about her desire to be back at Court. She misses this place. Oh, you should see them!" he exclaimed referring to his sisters "Catalina and Jane are a beauty and the little Maggy grows fastly. Last time I went to Buckingham, Edward was learning to ride and he showed me how he uses the sword" he laughed softly "He is an energetic boy"

"As for me, I continue my studies" he nodded continuing to scratch a little harder. He started to look around while speaking "But Suffolk is a little boring and there's not much to do, except for the usual administrative matters. It's a lonely place..." he looked at his father and lowed his voice "The doctors say that I need to stay with people, in crowded places where I can easily... distract myself..."

He jumped up the sofa suddenly and approached the chessboard, observing intensely the pieces: "And what can we say about our King...?" he touched the king on the chessboard and did the same with the queen "... and his mistress...? Does she still have him in her power?"

"Charles took a breath and nodded"

Yes...nothing changed since you left, my son. I'm happy to hear that Edward and your sisters are fine. I miss them deeply. And I'm so proud of you...

"He caressed his hairs and glanced at his hand, noticing he didn't remove his gloves"

An incident during archery?

Charlie moved his attention from the chessboard to his hands.
He looked at them, opening and closing his fist a couple of times.
His smile changed in a grimace.

"I wish it was..." he admitted turning to his father.

He tilted his head and closed his eyes a moment.

"However, it is nothing you should worry about. I can deal with it."
He thought it was better not to show him what the gloved were hiding: scratches, injuring, rinds barely healed. They were not a good view...

He sighed "Poor Queen Katherine and poor Princess Mary... Then it's true: the King wants to put the Boleyn mistress on the throne... God help us. Did she really promise him a son, as I heard?"

"Charles was nodding. But his attention was not on his words, but on his hand. He needed to know what he was hiding from him"

Yes...yes...indeed. Charlie, it seems not something I shouldn't worry about. You're my son...and you know that you can trust me fully. Maybe someone hurted you? Have you fallen from your horse?

"He asked worriedly, looking at him"

He was getting pretty annoyed: that was a subject he did not wish to face.
He tightened his jaw and his expression became colder.

"NO!NO!NO!NO!" he screamed finally, kicking suddenly a chair.

he stopped and closed his eyes, breathing hardly.
"Calm down", he imposed to himself.

He raised slowly his tense face: "If I tell you it's nothing to worry about, then you don't have to. But if you insist..."

"I didn't have an archery incident. I didn't fall off my horse. Nobody did me anything..." he said while taking the gloves off, clearly agitated and annoyed. His jaw was still tense.

"I DID", he said finally, raising his tortured uncovered hands so that he could see them clearly "You see, father?" he said with a cold tone and a little disquieting smile "Your son didn't change. He's still a mad. I KNOW everybody think I am! Are you proud of me now?"

"Charles felt shocked by his reaction. He looked at his hand frowning deeply. Then raised his eyes to him and hugged him tightly and suddenly"

Oh Charlie! My son...I will be always proud of you. Always. But...why did you this to yourself? You're surrounded by people who love you. You're not mad. I...I know a very good physician here at court. We can do something for your hand...

"He said holding his cheek and staring into his eyes. He felt gulty for not being present enough in his life"

In a first moment, Charlie remained still while his father was hugging him.
He stared at the wall behind Charles' shoulders.
This kind of reactions were not unusual: he had had them since he had memory but he had the feeling that they were becoming more aggressive and sudden as time went by...

Slowly, he put his arms around him and closed his eyes. His anger decreased and he calmed down.

"I..I'm sorry, father.. I don't know.. I don't know what is wrong with me.." he said with cracked voice holding him tightly.
The truth was that he desired to cry, to scream his fears out loud, or just talking with somebody.
He couldn't do this while he was in Suffolk: people would have judged him or considered him some kind of monster.
He just wanted to express what he felt.

"I'm sorry" he said again "I didn't want our first meeting to be like this..."

"I don't know how much your physician could help me" he admitted "Mother.. well, she once called for a priest, you know" he tried to joke even if the memory was frightening "It didn't work"

"Charles hold him tightly. He caressed his hairs while he was talking. There was nothing he wanted more that to make him feel loved. He smiled weakly"

Yes...I know. Nothing is wrong in you, Charlie. Nothing. You're...you're just growing. I had the same reactions at your age. More or less. And if there is something wrong...or that makes you suffer, just talk to me. I'm here, my son. And I would do...everything for you...

"He took his face in his both hands and looked lovingly at him. In spite of he was used at Charlie's overeactions, he wanted to know the origin of this and to help him"

Charlie gulped and nodded slowly to him.
He looked straight in his eyes, meaning that he knew that he was next to him.

"Really?" he asked "And where they... so uncontrollable?"

He gulped again. He could feel tears of frustration coming up to his eyes, but he imposed to himself not to cry.

"Because, you know... Sometimes they scare me. I'm afraid of myself...It's so frustrating!"

"Charles rubbed softly his cheek still in his hand"

Who scares you, Charlie? Or what? Whatever it is...we can face it and solve it together. You're not alone. And remember: there is not a problem without solution on earth, my son...

"He added with an indulgent smile"

"Myself!" he exclaimed with cracked voice, close to crying.

"I don't know what is it, I wish to know, I swear. But... I did that to my hands and I don't know why. I'm afraid to hurt the people I love. I have nightmares, I wake up suddenly at night and..." he threw small tears away "... and I've got attacks of anger suddenly. I can't explain it. What if... What if God abandoned me? I look for answers when I pray but... He doesn't answer to me..."

Sometimes he asked himself if it was a Devil's trick or something, but thinking to it scared him even more and he hadn't the courage to confess it, neither to his own father.

Charlie looked at his father and bit his lips. He liked those kind of love gestures... He almost forgot the feeling while he was alone in Suffolk.

"I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to have you by my side. You... you are my best friend. I can trust you. I know it."

"Charles smiled again. He shook his head at the end of his sentence"

God abandons no one, Charlie. Never. Even if we live hard times. I'm here with you, and I swear that I won't give up until you'll feel better, my beloved son. But...talk me more about your nightmares. What happens in them?

"He asked, showing him a loving, fatherly smile"

Charlie wasn't that sure, but he wanted to trust his father, so he replied nothing.

"They are... frightening" he said taking a step back "They are many, but... there's one I have more often than others..."

He returned to the sofa and set there staring at the floor, laying his arms on his knees and crossing his hands.

"I'm in the yard of our manor in Suffolk, in front of the little river where we used to go fishing when I was a boy. At the beginning the place is quite, as usual. I look around and I see the back of a young boy, perhaps my age. I don't know him. I call for him, but he remains still. So I decide to approach him, but as I'm going to touch his shoulder, he turns." Charlie sighed and looked at his father with a horrified expression "His face is monstrous: it is full of blood, he doesn't have eyes, neither. I immediately take a step back and he falls down at my feet. I find out that my feet are in the water and it is red, as his blood. I try to move, but I'm not able to. And then, suddenly, I see something in the water: faces, hands, arms... they try to drag me down. I start screaming, but no one comes. I close my eyes and I find myself somewhere else. I'm no more in the yard: it is an indoor place... It could be a big hall, or a church... I don't know exactly because it is dark and I see almost anything. It is cold there, very quite... I can hear my voice resounding. I see a mirror in front of me and I approach. It is me, my figure. The image reflects my movements. There's nothing strange until..." he gulped "... until I hear a scream. It seems to me Edward's voice, but I'm not sure... I turn and I call him, but there's no sound. As I turn to the mirror again, my image is not there anymore. But a black figure approaches rapidly. Finally I can see that it's me, but... oh, father!" he shook his head. He had to make a big effort to continue "It's like the Devil! My skin seems putrefied, my eyes are red and I see my teeth black and pointy. It is a horror, I AM a horror. I wish to run away, but my figure is faster and grabs me by the neck, coming out the mirror. It screams and I scream too, trying to free myself by scratching, pushing, banging, beating... And so I wake up and..." he looked at his hands "and this is the result. Sometimes I'm also livid... So what do you think?"

"Charles listened him in silence. His nightmare surely would scare everyone. He sighed and sat on the sofa next to him again, wrapping an arm around his shoulders"

It's a very frightening dream, indeed. But it's just a dream, my boy. It's not real. Those...monsters that you see...they're not real. And they can't harm you. Think deeply about this, and you'll see that nightmares will disappear little by little. Do you wish...me to move in your room for a while? Having me at your side will make you feel safer. I'll talk with Catherine...

"He suggested, rubbing his shoulder. He just hoped to see a smile on his face"