Garden

The cloud was dotted with puffs of white like the very breath of God. In the air, scented with roses and honeysuckle, the heavy drone of bees was heard near the colorful flowers. I smiled at Joan beside me. "Probably not unlike your gardens in England, but these are all I have of the outside world to cheer me, apart from my books." I leaned my head back and breathed deep of the afternoon.

The heat from the sun was one that I had never felt among my skin before. It warmed my white skin hopefully leaving a nice brown touch to it. It was a beautiful garden with many more flowers than we had in England or Ireland. The smell of them was sweet and never before had I smelt such exquisite elegant flowers. It is such a wonder of beauty I can see myself spending many hours here with or without a book. It just needs a final touch a water fountain running with the purest of water to splash upon our faces.

I nodded. "Come around this corner, there is a small but pretty little fountain." I led her to a simple small stone fount, it's waters running steadily into the base pond below as the splashes gave off a nice refreshing mist to cool us. "This is nothing compared to the Alhambra where I grew up. Over there we had so many fountains, tiled with bright colors and even jewels. There were trees bearing figs, oranges, dates, flowers like jasmine and lily. It was a true paradise."

I felt like a little child on an adventure with the Queen she treated me with respect yet she didn't know me. We passed an overgrowing mint tree which brushed up against my arms and turning my head I saw the small fountain it was enough to splash my face with. It does sound like a paradise but maybe we can plant some of those trees here to make you more comfortable. I heard the footsteps crunching on the gravel and saw a servant carrying a letter in his hands.

"Your majesty a letter for you."

He left the letter in her hands and went as quickly as he came.

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I was smiling, thinking of Joan's idea for the trees when the messenger came. I had to stop myself from opening the letter too quickly, seeing it bore the seal of the Spanish ambassador. I opened and read it avidly, my eyes going over every word once, twice, thrice. They were words of comfort only, no plans of escape or mustering an army as I dreamed of every night. But it was enough, and I felt a tear make its way down my cheek. "Senor Mendoza is kind. My sister Catherine always wrote of him very fondly and I know he makes his case for her in England, where she still has many supporters. I would gladly give what little freedom I have now and be locked away forever, without even the privilege of a walk in this garden, if my sister could keep her rightful throne and place next to the English king." I folded the letter back and placed it within the pocket of my gown. "You could find better companionship, Lady Joan, than a mad queen whose own son is mad with power. The Trastamara line is not looking so good these days."

I wanted to reach out and comfort her but I had to remind myself that she was a Queen and such things were not allowed. I enjoy being here with you it's nice to be needed plus the English court is not to my taste at the present time.

Gracefully I clasped her hand and smiled. "You give me joy and also hope as you visit me. Please, stay as long as you like. I know the nuns will be accommodating." I dabbed at my eyes and cleared my throat. "Shall we speak of happier things now?" Because in my heart I began to doubt happy days were any nearer.

I smiled back gently and placed my hands on top of hers. You have a lot of supporters my majesty you can count on me to be here for you. I started to walk again this weather was feeling beautiful against my skin I decided to tell her about my life in Ireland. When I was little I use to be such a little rebel running into the kitchen and sprinkling flour all over the floor to make a flour angel. Them their was my first time at court. I was five and I kept on asking so many Questions to the King and Queen.

I smiled as she spoke of her childhood. It reminded me much of myself when I was young too. "We have that in common, Lady Joan. I too was a rapscallion. I always flouted my parents rules because my sisters, though I loved them and still do, were too obedient," I giggled for the first time in what felt like years.

My farther was always the nicer one it was my mother who was all to harsh. I could remember the day the family went hunting and I had my first blooding from the kill. The trickling of the thick blood in my hair is still a nightmare. My mother is a nasty piece of a woman! She contracted my marriage to Margaret Bryan son. As she always says you can't undo what is already set out in front of you. How did you feel when you found out who you had to marry.

"We have that in common," I said wistfully thinking of my family. "My mother, though infinitely pious and proud of her reign and her country, could be cold when it suited her. She was queen of Castile and I think she dared not show too much softness lest her subjects think she would also be soft in her rulings. But my father was the kinder one. He always brought us some small gifts. He gave me a little doll from one of his trips to Belgium, that had blonde hair and blue eyes. I kept her with me till the day I married." A little smile colored my lips. "When I found out I was to marry Philip I immediately asked to see his portrait. I thought he was the most handsome man and so I was intrigued yet frightened. I was just a teenager and thought that  if my husband could love me then my life would be perfect. Unfortunately that was not exactly the case," I smiled sadly. "You must not let what this Bryan gentleman thinks of you, get in the way of your life. People are going to love you and they are going to not love you. Love yourself enough that none of what they think matters," I said, clasping her hand.

I wondered why ladies were always taught manners and being brought up in a devoutly way while the men were far from less scowled. It was the only bit of mischief I could fit in. My parents motto was to be seen and not heard we were sent of to live in the countryside in cork for the fresh air. Even when we were back in Dublin we rarely saw them together at all. I thought back to when Elizabeth Bryan signed the crest of her family on a document marriage that was not to be broken. Thank god my family had more ties than Francis Bryan it would be King Henry who could break me out of this dreaded deal. Oh he has had more women than hot dinners and refuses to acknowledge me like I can be erased from history. He thinks he is within his right to threaten me but my family had a strong alliance with King Henry since he was but a babe. I do not care what he says about me to the women he beds he is the idiot for trying to redo history not I. I intended to stay here with Queen Joanna for as long as I pleased.

"It is a sad way to be raised," I replied. "My parents had such deep love for one another. My father had affairs, as kings often do, but my mother was the one he loved with all his heart." I could see this trouble with her affianced Francis Bryan was giving her grief. "Please give it no further thought. Men are brain-addled creatures who think of nothing but the next pair of legs they can part with their charm. Sorry to be crass but it's true," I shrugged. "Who's to say you may even find a better gentleman to lay claim upon your heart?" I thought Joan was much too pretty to go without finding true love.

Once again I found myself being comforted and guided by this Queen who seemed to care about me. I can assure you that as you care for me I do for you as well. I gently squeezed her hand shrugging my shoulders when it came to marriage. Is it best to marry for love, comfort or security? I know it is not possible to have them all but how do you know.

I sighed deeply as I contemplated Joan's question. "I cannot say for sure. I myself was married off for political reasons. Your plight is different. Do you think Bryan's family will hold him to the contract?"

I simply shrugged my shoulders, marriage if matched wrong with ill advisors could be an unhappy union for both parties. His family are all for it but the man himself is very much against it. Why drag the issue out although I do get some enjoyment in keeping him on his toes. A smiled creased on my lips and my laugh had a hint of malice to it. Another servant came with another letter for the Queen:

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I read the letter and tucked it into a pocket sewn into the side of my simple black gown. "Forget about him. In time he may come around, especially if his family is for the marriage. What is to come, will come. What's meant to be will find its way."

I let out an exasperated sigh why were men the sole of every girls attention. I want to live my life as a maiden for a few years. Yes that does seem peculiar but I was born to be my own person. Being here is right for me I have no worries in the world here.

I smiled at Joan. "You truly desire being a maiden over the married life? I think on that point we shall differ. I could not wait to be married, especially when I was shown the miniature portrait of my husband that he sent to me, I wore it in a locket on a long gold chain, with the locket next to my heart. But after that...You know, marriage is not all that it seems. You may be saving yourself from greater heartbreak. In any case, I am glad you're here. I think you will find peace here. But I wouldn't blame if you got tired of seeing the same old walls. Some people come here to escape, some to forget, some to die. I hate to sound so somber, but I suppose my thoughts are dark this hour." I gave her another reassuring smile. "There are very few lights in my world and you are one of them, Lady Joan."

It was evident that she loved her husband more than she had let on. How tragic it is to love somebody that badly. Soothingly I place my hand over hers trying to hold back my tears. I am sorry that you are having to burden such darkness in your life right now. In my opinion you do not deserve this treatment I will try to make it somewhat joyous for you and know that I shan't walk out on you. But you really loved your husband didn't you. I hoped I wasn't adding salt to the wounds I felt anger towards him to let his wife suffer for the love of him.

She comforted me very well, and I saw Lady Joan as a true friend, perhaps the truest friend I had apart from the ambassador. "I did, I loved Philip very much. We had a passionate marriage, unfortunately all I did for him behind closed doors wouldn't be enough for him. He had many mistresses. As soon as I found out about one and did away with her, there would soon be another. I eventually gave up. His death, though a heartbreak for me, was a sort of relief from the theatrics of his infidelity. But now and then I wish for the old days, for how it was in the very beginning when we were brought along to our marriage bed," I smiled. "But nothing can last forever. I wish you more happiness than my husband gave me."

I knew that in some peoples eye's it wasn't natural for me not to marry. With the stories of indiscretion of a man's mistress certainly with a queen it cast a shadow of doubt into my mind. I am sure he loved you in an odd funny way as they say. I am a rebel with the idea of marriage I have been let down already without evening being courted. I laughed lightly to lift her spirits.

"Don't think such thoughts. You're too young to be so cynical. Just keep your head up and let no one look down on you. You have too much ahead of you in life, and I'm sure your fate will be different from my own," I smiled.

No perhaps I won't close the door firmly on Francis as he does have a pirate quality to him. I sighed blushing at the very thought of him. But for now my company is needed here. Would you like to hear a folk song. I used to sing the in our local tavern back in Ireland whenever a scuttle broke out.