Esmehan Sultan's Bedchamber

'That's all, thank you'.  I said and smiled to my servant. She bowed and left me alone in my  chamber.
I wasn't feeling well. Melancholy? Maybe... 'What's wrong with you, Esmehan?' - I've asked myself. 'Good question...'. I used to be very cheerful person and now I was... sad?! I didn't have a problem or something. Maybe I just needed to talk to someone.
I sat on my bed and breathed heavily.

I was surprised when concubine told me about Sultan's arrival. Moment later I was ready to welcome my uncle. When he walked in, I bowed deeply.

'Hunkarim!' I've rised my head up and smiled.

'I'm surprised to see you here, my Lord' I had to admit what he probably knew already...

'But it's a nice surprise...' - I spoke quietly.

'I'm glad to be here, Hunkarim' - I answered with smile.

'Everyone knows, how much I love my family. There is nothing more important than that.'

I knew that one day I'd have my own family. I was a young woman and Sultana not a girl from little village, who could dream about young, good and handsome man. Love was not for everyone, unfortunately... Maybe that was my problem today - when I saw love and heard about children, I was sad, because I couldn't dream about that. I didn't want to be unhappy with old Paşa, like my aunt Şah Sultan.

'I hope that you feel good today, Hunkarim. I wanted to visit you, but I thought you are busy'.

'Thank you, Hunkarim. Everything changes.  One day we are here, next - somewhere else. Yesterday I was a child, now I'm not...' - I sighed and sat next to my uncle.

'I'm proud of who I am and I'll always be, Hunkarim. I'm happy to see people I love, like you, Valide Sultan or my aunties. I've missed this palace too. It's full of colours and people. I know, that life here is not easy, but it's interesting'

My mother told me once about good and bad stories, happened in Topkapi Palace. I was young but not naive; I saw everything, like my valide, Beyhan Sultan.

'Maybe I will be helpful and become a friend to someone. I hope so.'

'Thank you, uncle'. - Sometimes I just had to say this one word. After all, we were family.

'I have a request. If you let me, I want to se Istanbul, Hunkarim. You have got many great warriors and guars, they can come with me. People don't know me here, so I will be safe. I will change my clothes and just pretend that I'm a girl from town. I want to see and hear about women and children problems. I want to help not just sit in palace. I need two hours, nothing more'. - I begged.

'But later... I want to see a port. I've heard about beatuful ships...' - I confessed. As I said - I was an honest person.

I hoped it wasn't to much. I looked into his eyes. Esmehan, you did it, but what if he'll be angry? - I said in my mind.

I've waited impatient to hear His answer. I was always quiet and accepted everything with calm and humbleness but I was proud of myself - I had a courage to asked about something important for me. I wanted to be one of Sultanas who did charity. Yes, I was a princess but I had the same problems like every woman - poor or rich. We're all just wanted to be happy.

'As you wish.' - I agreed.

'You are so kind, Hunkarim. I'm very, very happy, thank you with all my heart!' - I was sure, he saw sparkles in my eyes not only a big smile.

'If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know.'

I took a deep breath.

'I know that one day I will have my own family' - it was normal for every Sultana. I dreamt about young, good looking and kind man like every girl.

'It may be egoistic, but I just want to be happy. I can hear about great Beys and Pashas but who can be good not just for Empire and you, Hunkarim  but for me and future family? I see love and happiness and I want to feel it too. Of course I will agree with everything, but... I'm afraid of being lonely.'

'Inşallah!' - I was very grateful and full of hope. He was giving me peace I needed. I trusted my Sultan and uncle so much.

'Valide showed me and my sister so much love, patience and understanding. I hope that I will be a good mother as her. I love children.' - I was very happy every time when I heard about babies in our family.

'And I think I should visit Mahidevran Sultan later. Hope she's feeling well. I don't want to disturb her.'

Suleyman smiled fatherly and shook his head

You won't disturb her at all, Esmehan. On the contrary, she will be happy to see you. She just gave birth your little cousin, Sehzade Ahmed. Have you already met your cousin Esmahan?

He asked with his reassuring voice

[OOC: Love your gifs, hun! ]

'I hope so'. - I liked Mahidevran Sultan. She was very kind and wise. She was also very beautiful woman.

'Unfortunately not yet.' - I responded.

'But I will and I have something for child.' - I took little jewel case from my chest and showed my uncle golden amulet.

'May Allah give our little Şehzade long and good live.'

Mahidevran Sultan gave our Sultan another son! Great news.

'Şehzade Mustafa must be very happy.'

We were only two - me and Leyla but we never complained. Anyway, I've alwyas wanted a friend and protector. Lucky little Ahmed - he had an older brother.




[OOC: Thanks ^^ I'm not a gif master, but my friend helped me to make some and uploaded on her site, so I can use them - unfortunately I don't have better quallity. But I'm still happy that I have something - and I hope I will have more soon ]

Suleyman smiled

Indeed, Mustafa is very happy. Another concubine of mine is with child, and she will give birth soon. So, we shall have soon another Sehzade, Inshallah. How is your sister Leyla? Hope she is fine and to see her soon..

He said smiling fatherly again

[OOC: Love them. Congrats ]

'Who is she? I want to meet her. She's mother of my cousin, I want to visit her.'

Poor girl - she probably has got so many problems in harem. Every girl wanted to be her. Jealousy and hatred - two bad things, but normal in Sultan's palace.  

'Leyla wanted to be here and I hope she'll join us soon. She's pretty and sweet. One day she will break someone's heart.' - I smiled. I was joking but...



[OOC: BTW, it's so sad, that so few people are active in Topkapi   ]

'I'm sure I will'.

I was planning long walk or horse riding with a nice companion. Sitting in palace and doing nothing was more exhausting than sleepless night for me! Who knows, maybe I'll have a luck and see somewhere Bali Bey or Atmaca so we'll talk about my trip outside palace...

'You are very good to me, thank you'. - I was happy and more self-confident now.

'I promise, I will come to you.'

"I'm sure I will find good and faithful one."

'I sope so...' I tried to be fair and good for girls, but I demanded the same.

'I'm worried about my Valide. Sometimes I feel that she want to say something but... I know she's trying to protect me and my sister, but I'm not a child anymore. Maybe I am wrong but I feel that she's very sad and lonely.'