Royal Chapel

Fisher prayed in silence though his lips moved.
Suddenly he feels she stands next to him, he finished his prayers, crossed and stood up.
Your Highness... I hope I didn't disturb you. He looked at her with concern.

I had no earlier opportunity, but my sincere condolences with the loss of your beloved sister. he spoke softly.

I smiled to him kindly and shook my head.

''Oh not at all your Eminence! I do hope that I didn't disturb yours''

I said kindly.Then I nodded slowly.

''Thank you,your Eminence''

He smiled faintly.
Of course you didn't disturb me, Your Highness.

He looked calmly at her.
I hope you find comfort and confidence in your belief during this sad time. he spoke gently.

My forehead creased with sadness as I looked down . I didn't know what to say.I was still confused about my belief and I would lie if I said that I find comfort in it.So I shook slowly my head and said quietly.

''I did not,your Eminence''

He sighed inaudible. So anyway, the Duke was right about her doubts.
Gently he took her arm and brought her to a quiet place at the back of the chapel.

He made her sit down on a prie-dieu and sat down himself, looking seriously into her eyes.
You did not, Your Highness... please, tell me more, I am here to listen to you. and I have all the time of the world. He looked at her with compassion.

Don't fear I will condemn you... for I know myself how doubt can shake your faith. he said softly.

I smiled a sad smile and sat down.

''Oh your Eminence,I am so confused...I was good catholic but now I don't know if I believe anymore.And I came here to try to find my faith again and the other part of me came here because of Duke of Westmoreland my future husband as you probably already know. ''

I said quietly,looking at him.

Fisher noticed that someone entered and smiled vaguely as he recognized Lady More. He nodded at her and waited for her to get out of hearing range, then turned to Mary-Rose again.

I guess the Good Lord disappointed you, am I right? He took away your beloved sister, a wonderful princess, and a very good person who deserved much more than this fate. How can he be so cruel to allow this to happen, is that what you ask yourself, Your Highness? he spoke softly and intrusively, his eyes on her troubled face.

I sighed sadly as tears formed in my eyes.

''Yes...The god had disappointed me.He took away first my brother and now my sister and they both deserved much more than this fate...And now I am so mad at him for taking my sister away from me and I constantly ask myself Why her? She was good person and so young to have this faith''

I said sadly,looking at him.

Fisher nodded in understanding and was silent for a while. When he finally spoke, he didn´t look at her but at a small golden cross on a nearby altar.
I am the eldest of four children. From my earliest memories I wanted to become a priest and my parents encouraged me. We were a happy family untill my father died, I was only eight years old.

He turned his eyes to the princess and frowned.
I was so sad, so angry and so disappointed! I remember I went to a little chapel like this one and shouted my anger to Him. My father was my pillar, my support and my anchor and most of all a good and loving man. How could the Lord leave my mother alone with four little childen to raise by herself?

I was looking at him as he talked and listened carefully while he spoke.

''And what did you do next? I mean how did you forgive him and become a priest after all?

I asked curiously.

He turned her eyes to her and shrugged.
I was shouting so loudly, I thought I was alone there because I saw no one inside the chapel and then I cried from anger and impotence. I didn't even notice a priest coming out of the confessional and neither the man who had to confess. Suddenly they were behind me and talked with me for a long time, they listened to me and told me about God, who gives and takes, who entrusts us no more than we can handle to strenghten our faith and our soul.

He sighed and smiled vaguely.
Of course they could not convince me, but I calmed down and the man who was confessing brought me home. He was a widower himself and later he married my mother and they got five more children. It was a happy marriage and I still see my family very often.

He leaned forward and whispered.
I learned to believe that God works in mysterious ways that we, human beings, can't always understand. He doesn't want us to suffer, but someone who has never suffered also never knows what true happiness is.

I smiled softly when I heard hole story,thinking how lucky he is to have so large family.

''I am glad to hear that everything turned well for you and your family at the end...But your Eminence,everytime when I am truly happy,God always take something from me.I am sometimes afraid, that I was not born for happiness''

I said sadly,looking away.

Fisher sighed and took her hands gently in his.
We are all children of God, Your Highness, and he wants us to be happy. However life brings many challenges, but God gave us the highest gift of all, our free will. So whatever comes on our way, we can decide to be happy anyway, I think that is our biggest challenge and purpose in life.

He smiled faintly.
We all will suffer in life, but if we ask God for guidance and support, he will never abandon us.

I smiled as he take my hand.

''Yes,your Eminence is right...But sometimes it is very hard to believe in that and sometimes we need someone to blame for everything that is happening...And in my case I think that I blame God and myself for my sister death because i don't have anyone else to blame.''

I said honestly,looking around.

Fisher shrugged and bited his lips.
Blaming someone is a natural reaction when something happens to us which overwhelms us and hurts us so badly... it distracts us from the pain though actually it hurts us even more.

He frowned deeply as she told him she blamed herself.
You blame yourself, Your Highness? May I ask why you judge yourself so hard?

I nodded sadly and sighed.

''Because I knew that she did not felt well for a long time,and I didn't help her....If I did something instead to ignore it maybe she would be still alive''

I said,looking down still.

He softly squeezed her hands.
What if? is not a good question, Your Highness. Neither as: why? She was deadly ill... and no one could have done anything to change that. I felt guilt when my father died. I thought I was too wild, or caused him sorrows in any way possible, I thought he died because I did something wrong.

Slowly he shook his head.
It is hard to accept, but God decides on us and he wanted to take her home, to the place we all reunite one day untill the Day of Resurrection arrives. There is nothing else to do than to pray for her soul and live your life fully, in all it's ups and downs so the reunion once will be a happy one and she can be proud of you because you went on during hard times, like she did herself, with a raised head.

I looked up at him sadly.

''How did you survived the pain and blame in your heart? Because sometimes I feel great pain that I think that I can not survive it and everything around here reminds me of her.So I beg you to tell me how did you survived it and move on with your life''

I said with the tears in my eyes.

''My only consolation is that I know that she is with my brother...Yes she would not like to see me like this but it is so hard to move on and to believe in everything you believed before''

He smiled vaguely and shrugged.
I was a child, Your Highness... and I had the flexibility of a child, taking one day at the time and see what it brings. Swimming with the stream instead of against it. And yes, I turned to God again to find his comfort, his support and his loving guidance. Knowing he would never let me down, even though he would put new challenges on my path for me to face and to go ahead by the strength of my belief.

He smiled wider. Faith is a great force, as is hope, Your Highness. Never give up on hope. But the strongest force is love... and if I am informed correctly, you will marry soon and start a new life as a wife and hopefully a mother. he looked warmly at her.

I nodded sadly.

''Yes I know....When my brother died I was just a child and I handle it much better than now.Maybe I should try again and turn to God for his help and comfort.You know your Eminence the only thing that I never lost is hope.No metter what happen I always have my hope.

I smiled a little.

'' Yes I will marry soon,but that is not marriage from love it is my brother wish.But in time maybe we learn to love each other and try to be happy.My greatest wish is to become a mother one day but of course that is up to God.''

He smiled warmly.
I am glad to hear you never gave up hope, no matter how dark times could be. And it is alright to tell God about your anger and disappointment towards him. He is a shephard, Your Highness, He likes his flock complete and will wait patiently for a lost sheep to come home again and instead of punish it, He will embrace it with love.'

He gently tapped her arm.
I met many happy couples who's marriage were arranged and learned to love eachother. Friendship, trust and respect are the pillars of a good marriage, I hope you will be very happy as you deserve to be.

I smiled a little.

''Yes the hope is the only thing that I never lose.I guess that is alright to be mad at God,but that doesn't mean that you don't believe in him any more.Right your Eminence?''

i nodded and smile kindly to him.

''Thank you,Eminence! I do hope as well that my marriage will be happy ad filled with love....You are right friendship, trust and respect make a good marriage and I think that I already have that with Duke.''

He smiled and raised an eyebrow.
You can't be angry with someone in whom you don't believe...he looks meaningfully at her.
God forgives you for being mad at him, He only wants to keep communicating with you, even though He will never give you the answers on your questions.... that is to strenghten your belief and trust in Him, and your resignation that He acts as He pleases, though not understandable for us, simple human beings.

He looked warmly at her.
I am sure everything will be fine for you, please, keep your hope, and don't let the fear for losing someone who you love make you forget to live fully. I had the pleasure to meet your future husband and I think he will be a good and devoted spouse for you, he is a good man, indeed.

I smiled to him,nodding slowly.

''Yes you are right...I now do feel much better and I think that I am not confused about my faith anymore.Thank you,your Eminence for helping me about my doubt and I really appreciate ''

I said kindly.

''Yes he is very good man,my brother choose well this time....Oh yes he told me that he spoke with your Eminence about our marriage.As he told me you will be the one who will celebrate our marriage''

I smiled warmly but then my smile diapered as I remembered that first I need to talk with my brother about it .