Elizabeth Craven's BedChamber

I glance up from my sewing but don't quite catch the name of who is at the door- the voice is familiar,"Come in,"I mumbled and make another stitch.

I finish off a pattern and glance up to see Nan. I grin warmly and place my sewing ring on my window seat,"Nan!"

I then smile playfully and say,"Your Grace,"with a graceful bow,"Please take a seat-would you like anything?"

I smile warmly,"I am well, why would you be worried?"

I shrug like Nan and smile faintly,"No, no-I am quite well. Perhaps I was just foolish...if anything I feel I am a disappointment."

I pause and fiddle with my threads beside me,"My brothers are now married and both have children-both making their own fortunes in their own ways. I? I am just a simple lady in waiting at court with no husband-not even someone taking interest. i have never really had a man who has loved me fully-well I..."

I smiled gratefully at Nan and decided to tell her of something I had told no one else freely before-I thought I could trust her and I hoped we were friends,"I did find the wrong one and I love him entirely. I could think of no other-I yearned to see him whenever we were apart and...well -rather foolishly- I thought we would find a way to be together until our dying breaths,"I swallow deeply and try to stop the tears-the pang of heart break is still tangible and I feel my heart ache whenever I think of how we were.

"I was sixteen and had been completely fooled by him-he was called James and he was eighteen years old. He was a stable boy and he was so kind to me. After a while we would meet in secret and go for walks at midnight and he would promise me his love and loyalty. I gave him my whole heart...more than he deserved. He asked me to marry him and I said yes."

I smile weakly as a tear trickles down my cheek,"He lied about his love as he only wanted me for my families wealth and position. He intended to leave me once he had his money. I felt so...utterly betrayed and he didn't even say goodbye to me. Edward and my other brother Thomas...got rid of him-they warned him to stay away,"I laugh a little and add,"They still will not tell me quite what they did to get him to leave but if I know my brothers-I suspect he may have left with a bruise or two ...they are most protective of me. Anyway... He did-he left. I know they wanted to protect me and they were so kind to me but my heart was utterly crumbled and I feel he still holds a part of it..."

I laugh softly and rest my head on her shoulder,"I never thought of it that way. Forgive me if I ask things I should not but how many times have you fallen in love?"

She was such a kind friend and a good woman. She gives wonderful advice and I am glad she is my friend...

I close my eyes so I can concentrate completely on her stories. She is still so young but she has been through so much. My eyes flutter open as she asks me,"Oh not all. I love to hear your stories-your life seems rich experiences and events. What do you mean though when you say you realise how special something was and you regret...may I ask who you speak of when you say this?"

I lift my head and my hair tumbles around my head and I must look rather dishevelled, I giggle lightly and get more comfortable on the sofa..

"Hm,"I think of how to word this,"Edward has always been...intense? His moods I believe seem a little peculiar but only because he is a very deep thinker-like me,"I laugh lightly and curl my hair round my finger,"He can seem very serious or even rude but he is probably worrying about things...I think he just always tries to do the right thing."

I shake my head and place my hand on hers,"It is alright-I do not mind. As long as you don't tell me all the details,"I say playfully with a wink.

I then lean back where I sit and think about what she means,"All I know about you and Edward was that he was -as I told you before-quite besotted. He told me about and sung your praises...that is all I know."

I then pause and purse my pink lips a little and say,"Edward I believe tries very hard to be like my father. I can think of no man better than my father. I believe Edward is just very disappointed he never met his wife or could see his son...or mine if it is God's will,"I pause and add quietly,"He always does what he think's is the right think-the good and noble thing to do...even if it is not his desire. So for example if he wanted to hold your hand he may not and leave very quickly so as not be tempted...perhaps that explains his behaviour?"

"Nan-he is a man like any other and in love or not they still have...temptations."

I then glance up as she asks me about the garden. What does she mean? Did I speak of that,"What do you mean-I only said that as an example...I didn't know you met in the gardens?"

I laugh a little,"You needn't say anymore if you do not wish. I know I am not the ideal person to speak of Edward to-but I promise what is said here shall never pass my lips to another. You have my word,"I grin happily and gather my skirts around me as I wrap my arms around my knees.

I tilt my head,"The chance of what,"I continue with a smile playing on my lips.